Cats on a Hot Tin Roof, Seriously!
A Wednesday Morning Survival Soundtrack
It’s so damn hot in Toronto, I swear the sidewalk hissed at me. The city feels like it’s been annexed by Hades—an unsolicited summer annexation. Asphalt has liquefied into licorice, dogs are dragging their tails like soldiers through a swamp, and the raccoons have unionized for better working conditions in the trash bins. We’ve officially entered Hellscape 2025, and I’ve lived long enough to know what that smells like.
Fifty-six years ago, I was stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky—home of the 101st Airborne and one unforgiving sun. I was the piano man for the 81st Army Band, which meant afternoons spent playing for recovering troops and mornings lugging a godforsaken bass drum across parade grounds that felt like a frying pan. Thursdays were my prelude to punishment—rehearsals under air so thick you could drink it. And Fridays? Death by wool. Those dress blues weren’t garments—they were medieval torture devices disguised as patriotism.
Kristine and I lived in a subterranean icebox off-post in New Providence, Tennessee. That basement was so cold, the milk curdled in protest, and we could’ve preserved a side of beef for the long winter. We’d come home from the blistering outdoors and step into a morgue. Our breath fogged in July. It was glorious.
Which brings me to now—Toronto in the high summer of 2025. It’s humid. It’s smoky. It’s insulting. The weather is performing a full-body assault, and yet here we are, armed with playlists and bad ideas.
And because I love you—yes, you, loyal reader, still damp from your morning coffee or your third shower-I ’ve created a Wednesday morning playlist to help you survive the inferno. This is not the time for experimental noise or TikTok snippets. No Drake. No wishful Coachella dust. This is old-school vinyl sweat and wood-panel radio soul. Classic heatwave bangers for people who know what it’s like to change a tire in August or cook eggs on a tank turret.
Too Damn Hot – A Heatwave Playlist
"Too Darn Hot" – Ella Fitzgerald
The Cole Porter classic, done with elegance and swing—because it all starts here."Hot Fun in the Summertime" – Sly & The Family Stone
A summer anthem with a lazy groove and cooling harmonies."Summer in the City" – The Lovin’ Spoonful
Pavement-melting rock 'n roll, heat-ridden and restless."Heatwave" – Martha & The Vandellas
A Motown burner that makes you dance through the sweat."Too Hot" – Kool & The Gang
Smooth disco with heartbreak in the air and heat on the floor."I’m Goin’ Down Slow" – Howlin’ Wolf
Sticky, swampy blues—like heat rising from asphalt."Right Place, Wrong Time" – Dr. John
New Orleans voodoo funk, with sweat behind every beat."Summertime" – Janis Joplin
A sultry, soul-scraping version that practically smokes."Walking on Sunshine" – Rockers Revenge
Arthur Baker’s electro-reggae take—blistering with Caribbean flavor."Burning Down the House" – Talking Heads
Paranoia and heatstroke packed in a tightly wound art-funk bomb."Fire" – Ohio Players
Blazing horns, wah-wah guitar, and fevered falsetto."Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)" – Marvin Gaye
The planet is cooking—and Marvin knew it decades ago."Master Blaster (Jammin’)" – Stevie Wonder
Island sunshine and political heat all in one rolling groove."Summertime Magic" – Childish Gambino
Modern soul for sweat-drenched evenings and glowing horizons."Sun Is Shining" – Bob Marley & The Wailers
Optimistic, baked-in bliss from the king of cool in the heat."Hot" – James Brown
A pure groove-funk heater from the Godfather of Soul himself."Before the Next Teardrop Falls" – Freddy Fender
For when the heat turns emotional and your heart starts to simmer."Summer Madness" – Kool & The Gang
An instrumental to soundtrack your mirage vision walk across the boulevard."The Girl From Ipanema" – João Gilberto & Stan Getz
Cool Brazilian breeze—just enough to trick your body into relaxing."Too Damn Hot" – Jazzanova (feat. Paul Randolph)
Modern nu-jazz take on heat, tension, and sensual summer funk.
It’s a cooker
Perfect playlist for the weather.